Burns Night: Ode To The Deep-Fried Mars Bar

Oh noble chocolate bar, deep-fried in batter
So beautifully laid upon yon platter
We bite yer crispy coat then sic a splatter
O gallus, gowden goo
That couldnae be mair sugary or fatter
Bursts inside wir mou’

Weel-named are ye for Mars, the god of war
For the gods up in the Galaxy did roar
And raized a Marathon o’ random-splore
And hurly-burly
When first ye came. Then cried for more:
Creme Egg and Curly-Wurly

But even thou, confectionary collision,
Has commentators treat ye wi’ derision
And mock the genius jock fae Stonie wi’ a vision
Syne he gat
Ye, we an artist’s eye and scientist’s precision,
Plunged deep i’ the fat

So speedily ye gained iconic status
But they said that it would just inflate us
Like the frying of the chipped potatoes
Or single fish
One mair reason to berate us
O’er this dainty dish

But doubters always find the doubting word
We cries o’ “heart-attacks!” and “arteries furred!”
This humble sweetie’s reputation’s slurred
Saying it makes Scots obese
Well, dinna gobble it whole like gannet-birds
Just hae a wee piece!

So let’s not spoil a joy wi’ daunted “Why?”
Ye’ve heard aboot it, why not have a try?
From North and South let’s hear yer voices cry
Baith near and far
Let’s drink a toast, wi’ glasses raised up high
Tae the deep-fried Mars bar

Tim Dalling

gallus: excellent
gowden: golden
raized: provoked, roused
random-splore: careless frolic, carousal
syne he gat: then he begot, conceived

Waygood @ Northern Stage: Floaters - Michael Davies

Floaters - Michael Davies
Friday 15 January - Saturday 20 February
Reception: 6 - 8 Thursday 4 February

After a process of sifting, enlarging and translating old photographs into paintings, images that began as superficially innocuous, snap-shot moments multiplied in thier possible readings. Freed from their original context and with the shading of their motives now ambiguous; these banal minor details from past life became wry meditations on desire and mortality.

These paintings are for sale at £600 each.

Happy Birthday to Us!

This year, the theatre turns 40.

In 1969, planning permission was granted for a new theatre on the Barras Bridge site and in 1970 the University Theatre opened. Since then, the building has been known as Newcastle Playhouse and Gulbenkien Studio and for the last five years – taking its name from the theatre company within – as Northern Stage.

Our birthday programme holds a lot of treats for the year. There’s our bold birthday project Northern Stages; a global conversation about Northernness with 40 artists from across the world. Some highlights include a welcome return to Newcastle for Peter Brook with a new play 11 and 12, Sheffield-based Third Angel with Class of ’76 and the brilliant ATC with Eurydice.

We’re working with 40 babies and their parents in our project First Steps. And watch out for our big 40th Birthday Summer Fete (details TBA) and other exciting events across the year.

We believe Life Begins at 40 and we’re looking forward to another 40 years.